Nothing Can Stay
by winchesterdixon
Summary: Rick leaned in slowly and met my lips with his. There was a passionate desperation behind every kiss he and I shared; desperation to find love that had been lost, desperation to find an escape from the madness that surrounded us, and desperation to feel something other than anger, sadness, and fear. Only God knew how much time we had left together.
1. Desperation

**1-Desperation**

The small fire in front of me crackled as I tried desperately to warm my cold feet.

_Note to self; Next time the world ends, remember to pack real shoes and warm socks, _I thought to myself.

The thin white socks that I wore beneath my white work shoes did little to protect my feet from the cool October air. I could only imagine how much worse it would be when the dead of winter rolled around. I looked down at the can of baked beans that was supposed to be my dinner and decided that I wasn't all that hungry-my appetite had yet to return in full.

Rick could use the extra boost anyway.

I stood from my seat in from of the fire and made my way back inside the decrepit cabin that Rick and I called home. We found it empty two months ago and set up camp. It was dirty, cold, and reeked of mildew and our combined body odor but it was the only place that we could take time to regenerate, semi-protected from the Hell that surrounded us outside.

I grabbed our makeshift broom, fashioned from a tree limb, a piece of bailing twine, and a few small hickory sticks and did my best to clear some of the dust from the old wooden floor below me. My mind went to Rick, the man who had kept me alive for the past six months. We first met when he was admitted to the Atlanta Medical Center with a gunshot wound to the chest – I was his head nurse. We had been together since the start of this thing and I considered myself to be forever indebted to him. On more than one occasion, he had jerked me back from the edge of a cliff with death waiting at the bottom.

"_You saved my life in that hospital", _ he would always say "_We do what we have to do to keep each other alive."_

The more I thought of him, the more I began to worry. He was out, gone to the nearest town to scavenge for food and any other supplies we might need. Rick had just recently become somewhat comfortable with leaving me here alone. I told him not to worry and that I'd be here when he got back but I could still sense the anxiety welling up inside of him when he was getting ready to leave.

"I'll be fine, Rick" I told him "I'm a big girl"

"I know", he said solemnly as he fastened his gun holster around his waist "But, Kenna, you have to realize…it's not just the walkers we have to be worried about it."

"I know, I know…'_there may be other people around who want what we have'_ I got it" I quoted his exact words back to him.

"Exactly, and that's why…"

"Rick" I interrupted, "I'll be fine"

I pulled the handgun he had given me out from underneath the pillow on the queen sized bed we shared.

"I know how to protect myself" I said, smiling at him "I learned from the best"

"Makenna, listen you HAVE learned a lot and you've become a hell of a shot but I would just feel better if you went with me" Rick said, placing both hands on his hips and looking down at his feet.

I sighed loudly and placed my gun back under the pillow before walking across the room to face him. I snaked my arms up around his neck and met his eyes with my own.

"I promise I'll be careful" I told him quietly "There are things here that need to be taken care of and how can you get the job done when you're constantly having to watch out for me?"

Rick gave in and wrapped his strong arms around my waist.

"I just want to keep you safe" he said to me "Always"

"I know, and trust me, you've done a damn good job so far" I said "But I'll just slow you down."

"You don't give yourself enough credit" he said.

Rick leaned in slowly and met my lips with his. There was a passionate desperation behind every kiss he and I shared; desperation to find love that had been lost, desperation to find an escape from the madness that surrounded us, and desperation to feel something other than anger, sadness, and fear.

I pulled away and stared into his sad eyes.

"I'll be ok" I told him "Just be careful"

He leaned in and kissed me once more. When he pulled back he looked at me and sighed.

"I love…"

"Don't" I stopped him.

"I do" he said before kissing me on the forehead and walking out the door.

The sound of the hickory sticks against the wooden floor brought my mind back to the present. It had been what felt like days since Rick and I had last been together and my anxiety was increasing with each minute that passed. I walked out onto the front porch and looked up at the night sky to see that the full moon was directly overhead – the sun was still up when Rick had left. He had been gone for at least five hours.

_Calm down Kenna,_ I told myself, _He's fine._

I was desperate for a distraction so I ran back inside, grabbed my coat and my handgun, and made my way out to the shed behind the cabin. I picked up two five-gallon buckets and headed for the woods. All four sides of the one-acre plot of land were surrounded by dense forest with only a partially concealed foot path leading to the main road a mile away. Rick had found a decent sized creek one day while we were on a hunting trip and cleared a second path running from the water source to the cabin, making it much easier for water runs. I stepped out of the clearing and into the tree line, the metal handles on the buckets cold against my fingers.

Pretty soon, I was far enough away from the cabin that I could no longer smell the burning fire and the canopy of trees overhead made it impossible to see anything above me. The forest floor beneath my feet was soft and spongy due to last night's rainfall and the smell of wet earth was a pleasant but temporary substitute for the smell of the dank cabin. I genuinely smiled to myself for the first time in a long time. While the world that I had always known was gone forever, there were still a few natural aspects of the earth that remained: the smell of wet soil, the sound of crickets chirping in the trees, the stars that shone brightly in the night sky – things that not even the end of my world as I knew it could change.

I could hear the sound of the creek growing louder and louder. When I reached the water's edge, I dropped to my knees and dunked one of the buckets into the creek, replacing it with the second one when it was full. After both containers were teeming with fresh water, I leaned over and splashed my face with the creek water. I had just leaned over the creek, trying to rinse the grim from my hair when I heard a rustling in the leaves.

It all happened too fast for me to have time to digest anything. The walker stumbled out from behind the brush and lunged towards me. I jerked my buck knife out of my coat pocket and thrust into the monster's skull twice. I pushed its chest with one hand and pulled the knife from its head with the other before watching the body collapse to the ground in a lifeless heap. I took a second to catch my breath before I heard the second one coming through the trees. I took him out with a swift thrust to his temple before running back towards the cabin. There were no telling how many more walkers were waiting in the trees, but I wasn't sticking around to find out and the buckets of water would only slow me down - Rick and I could come back in the morning for them.

Sprinting back towards the cabin, I had no idea what would be waiting for me when I got back.


	2. Neighbors

2- Neighbors

"Thank God!" Rick said, jumping from his seat in front of the fire, "Where in the hell did you go?!"

He wrapped his arms so tightly around me that I couldn't catch my breath to respond.

"Why did you leave?" he asked, his tone growing angrier.

"I just went down to the creek to get more water" I told him.

"It couldn't wait?!" he semi-yelled

I laid my head on his chest and said sweetly, "I just wanted to do something useful while you were gone."

"That's not gonna work, Makenna." Rick said pushing me away from him.

He winced and grabbed his side.

"What's wrong?" I asked taking a step closer.

"Nothing" he snapped "That's not what's important right now"

I let out an exasperated sigh and shook my head.

"Do you think this is a joke?" Rick asked, "Do you realize what went through my head when I got back and couldn't find you?!"

He had a valid point. I was sure it scared him to death.

"I spent all night worrying about you while I was gone" he continued "Then I get back and you're no where to be found…you weren't here…like you promised me you would be."

"I'm sorry" I said quietly.

"Damn it, Makenna, I thought you were dead" Rick said as he returned to his seat by the fire and ran his hand through his curly brown hair.

"Well I'm not", I said a little sharper than intended.

Rick jumped back up and closed the space between us.

"No, you're not but I didn't know that!" he yelled in my face.

"Stop yelling at me!" I yelled back.

"Why the hell couldn't you just stay put?!" he continued "How am I supposed to be able to take care of you if you're just gonna wander off all the time?"

"I never asked you to take care of me, Rick." I stated matter-of-factly

"Well I do…and I will" he replied.

"That's YOUR decision but you're not gonna tell me what I can and can't do" I told him.

"I wouldn't have to if you didn't do stupid shit all the time" Rick spat.

That one comment made my blood boil. I was sure there was steam rising from my body into the cool night air. I gave Rick a look to let him know that I was done and walked back towards the cabin.

I slammed the closet door shut and carried my rucksack over to the bed. Rick walked in and saw that I was packing my things and his tone changed immediately.

"What are you doin'?" he asked softly but urgently.

"I'm leaving" I stated.

"Come on, baby, you can't leave…"

"Don't call me that" I interrupted "And I thought I told you to stop telling me what I can and can't do."

"Look, Kenna, I'm sorry" he said taking a seat on the edge of our bed "I guess I overreacted"

"You guess?" I asked, throwing a wad of clothes into my bag

Rick grabbed both of my hands and pulled me in front of him. He looked me in the eye and said "I'm sorry."

I stayed completely still waiting for him to let go of me.

"I thought something bad had happened to you" he told me "It scared the hell out of me"

"This isn't the first time you've acted like this, Rick" I said, pulling away from him, "You've treated me like a child for the past six months, and I'm fucking sick of it".

"I just care about you" he said forthright

"Well, lay off a little" I replied

"You know…you're being really unappreciative" he said, standing back up.

I noticed him wince again.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked a second time.

"I'm fine" he said "I just want to stop arguing"

I ignored him and took a step closer.

"Let me just look" I said, reaching towards him.

"No!" he said as he backed away from me.

I took a deep breath and went back to packing my things.

"Kenna, please don't leave" Rick almost whispered "I can't do this without you"

Before I could respond, he was gone.

"Son of a bitch" I whispered to myself before throwing my bag to the floor.

I wasn't going to leave him…I couldn't.

I walked back outside to see Rick rocking back and forth in the rocking chair on the front porch. I sat in the vacant chair beside him. We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the dancing flames of the dwindling fire, before Rick spoke again.

"Listen, I really am sorry" he said "I've just already lost so much…I don't know if I can handle losing anybody else…especially you."

Rick had been a father and a married man before it all went down. He didn't talk about his family much but I knew that his wife's name was Lori and his son's name was Carl – I had met them once in the hospital when they came to visit Rick after he'd been shot. Lori seemed distracted and little Carl…always so venturesome. Rick assumed that they were dead…he didn't have to say it out loud…I had slept beside him for six months and I heard his nightmares. I'm sure he could have said the same of me.

"I know" was all I could come up with.

"I love you" he said quickly, no doubt so I couldn't interrupt him.

"Please don't say that" I begged quietly.

"Well, I do" he continued "I'm not gonna leave this world with things left unsaid"

Another long minute passed before either of us spoke again.

"I guess I'm gonna hit the sack" I said standing from the rocking chair.

"Do you want me to find somewhere else to sleep tonight?" he asked sincerely.

I chuckled at his cute earnestness and he smiled a radiant smile. He was so beautiful.

_Stop it, Kenna._

"No…you can sleep with me" I told him after a moment of hesitation.

I stripped down to my flannel shirt, underwear, and thin socks before climbing into bed. Rick slid in beside me and wrapped his warm body around mine.

"I'm sorry" he whispered in my ear.

His hot breath on my chilled skin gave me goose bumps.

"Me too" I said.

I felt Rick's soft lips meet my skin. His weight shifted and he began to leave a trail of light kisses around to the side of my neck. A soft moan involuntarily escaped my lips. I knew that I should have stopped him but in that moment, that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I flipped over to face him and reached up to run my fingers through his hair. He caught my hand and placed soft kisses on each of my finger tips before holding it firm in his grasp and pulling my body underneath his. His lips crashed into mine with a desire that I had never felt from him. I parted his lips with my tongue and heard a low groan from deep within him escape into my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I had never wanted someone so much as I did in that very moment. Rick ran his hands over my body, desperate to touch every inch of me. His hand cupped my breast and we moaned together. I ran my fingers over his exposed chest and worked my way down his chiseled stomach, making him shiver beneath my touch. He bit my lip softly before kissing my neck again, this time much more vigorously.

Suddenly, he pulled back and his blue eyes bore into mine.

"What are you doing?" I asked between exasperated breaths.

He only continued to stare at me.

"Rick?" I asked, propping up on my elbows.

"Will you tell me you love me?" he finally asked

I didn't know why he had to ask me that one question in that one moment. Rick had no idea how bad I wanted to tell him that but I couldn't allow myself to go there with him. I didn't want a love that was forced together by the end of the world-I had no idea if I really loved him or not-and if it was real, as soon as I told him, I'd lose him. That's just how things word in this new world. I pushed him off of me before answering, noticing another pained expression.

"Will you please tell me what's wrong?" I asked him

"Will you tell me why you don't love me?" he asked.

"I can't" I stated.

"Well then neither can I" he replied

"No, I mean I can't…love you" I said staring up at the ceiling

"Why not?" he asked seriously

"I just can't, Rick" I told him "…I can't"

Rick didn't ask anymore questions that night. He fell asleep shortly after our conversation had ended but I was up long after that.

I hated to hurt Rick but I had loved and lost too many people, even since before the walkers. It was like I was cursed – everyone I ever cared about got hurt; and I couldn't go through seeing that happen again. Not only that, but I wasn't sure if I truly loved him or if I was just clinging to the only person I had left.

It was dark when I awoke and Rick was still snoring beside me - I had only been asleep for a few hours. My curiosity got the best of me and I lifted the covers up off of his body and saw what had been causing his pain. Right above Rick's left hip was a large bloody bandage. I was tempted to wake him as soon as I saw it – the sight of the white blood-stained cloth solicited only one thought in my mind…he had been bitten. I panicked and pulled the bandage away from the wound, surprised that the sudden motion didn't wake him, and examined his injury. The moonbeams shining through the cabin window offered just enough light for me to see that Rick's cut was much too clean to have been caused by the jaws of a walker, and that left me relieved but also very confused. I painstakingly replaced the bandage, careful not to wake him, rolled over and eventually drifted off to sleep again.

The second time I awoke, Rick was no where to found and I looked out of the window to find that the sun was shining brightly outside. I rolled out of bed and quickly got dressed before setting out to find Rick. He was out back, clambering around in the shed.

"Good morning" I called, hopping down the back porch steps

"Mornin'" he said absentmindedly

"What are you doin'?" I asked when I got closer to him.

"Where'd you put the water buckets?" he asked

_Shit._

"I, uh, left them down by the creek" I replied

"Why?" he said, giving me a funny look.

"They were heavy" I said quickly "But I'll go get them now"

I walked away quickly before he could respond. After his blow up last night, there was no way I could let Rick find out that I was almost attacked by two walkers on my water run last night.

When I made it to the creek, I was blind-sided by another shock. The two mangled bodies of the walkers were still there, but the two five-gallon buckets were no where to be seen.

"Damn it" I said aloud "Shit, shit, shit!"

"Is there a problem?" Rick asked.

I spun around at the sound of his voice.

"You followed me" I said. What was meant to be a question came out as a statement.

"I figured you could use some help" he said "Where'd these fellas come from?"

I let out a sigh but didn't respond.

"What exactly happened last night?" he asked.

"I ganked a couple of walkers" I finally admitted "I left the buckets here last night but now they're gone."

"You didn't tell me anything about 'ganking a couple of walkers' last night" Rick said

"Yeah, well you didn't tell me about where that cut on your side came from either" I retorted

"I ran into a few guys at the grab-n-go…said they had a camp about two miles from here" Rick told me "Started off fine but one thing led to another and a fight broke out…one of the bastards stabbed me, so I shot him".

"Do you think it was them who took the buckets?" I asked, now a bit frightened.

"Well…in six months, we've yet to meet a walker dying for water" he replied "Seems like the only logical explanation to me is that we've got some thirsty neighbors."

I stared off into the trees. If they knew where the creek was, it wouldn't be that difficult for them to find the cabin.

"If they found this place, it's only a matter of time until they stumble upon the cabin" he said, taking the words right out of my mouth "And I damn sure ain't went about making friends the right way"


End file.
